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KR: How do people become sexual addicts? How do I know if I’m a sex addict? |
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Written by Editor
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I keep this great quote on my laptop. Perhaps because the statement
itself serves as a deterrent to me for using my Pentium powered beast
for eye candy purposes… It goes like this: “The devil will always take
you further than you want to go, make you stay longer than you want to
stay, and then make you pay more than you thought you could possibly
pay.”
My good friend and recovery ministry leader, Kevin
Johnston, says it this way: “The bonds of addiction are too soft to be
felt until they are too strong to be broken.”
We live in a
sexually saturated culture where more and more men and women are
finding themselves wrapped in the tentacles of sexual addiction. Though
the diagnosis should go beyond the scope of this column, let me share
with you some mileposts on the way to full blown sexual addiction.
Basically, these are things I look for when talking with someone who is
struggling with sexual compulsions. The list is not exhaustive. So let
the voice of the Holy Spirit in your life be louder than the words in
this column.
Should you find yourself passing more than one of
these “markers”, it may be time to get brutally honest with yourself
and someone you trust. Consider seeking out a counselor, a 12 step
group, or a qualified pastor.
1. Do you have trouble stopping your sexual behavior when you know it is inappropriate?
2. Do you experience feelings of shame or conviction about your sexual behavior?
3.
Do you ever hide your sexual behavior from others? Not like you should
be having sex in public, but I mean do you keep secrets from those you
should not be keeping secrets from?
4. Do you regularly use sex or fantasies as a way for to escape your problems or alleviate stress in your life?
5.
Has your sexual activity interfered with your family life? Be honest
with yourself. Has sexual material on the computer or watching
something on television kept you from spending time with another family
member?
6. Has sexual desire, fantasies, or actual behavior
ever caused you to feel like you were having an “out of body”
experience? Like it wasn’t really you doing it, but you couldn’t stop.
7. Do you often have failed attempts to cut back on the amount of online sexual interactions or visual stimulation?
8.
Are you being secretive or lying about amount of time spent online or
in other types of sexual/romantic activities carried out?.
In other words:
• If you are experiencing a loss of control regarding your sexual behaviors AND/OR
• If you are experiencing significant consequences as a result of your sexual behaviors AND/OR
• If you find yourself consistently worried or pre-occupied with your sexual behaviors and lack of control,
NOW is the time to get real and get recovery.
The
first step in recovery is to admit that you are powerless to change.
God loves it when people actually surrender. That gives him more room
to work.
Addiction is a pretty popular word these days. I’m
glad it is getting more and more press within the church. Don William’s
book “12 steps with Jesus” is a must read for any Vineyard leader who
is interested in recovery issues. (Yes, I know this website is
connected with Don. But I still mean it…)
Finally, remember that
addiction isn’t the problem. Addiction serves to mask the real issue
underneath. Until we are willing to admit and pursue healing for our
brokenness, we will always have our addiction there willing to help us
cope and anesthetize our pain. But Jesus came to set the captive free!
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Dr. Eric Sandras |
Having received his PH.D. in Human Development and Family Relations from
Oregon State University , Eric Sandras is part of the next generation of
leaders whom God is using to "raise the bar" in the relationships, faith,
and life decisions of a postmodern generation. He is passionate about
family, emergent church issues, and having extra butter on his popcorn at
the movie theater.
Check out Eric's outstanding first book: Buck Naked Faith
Take off your designer, postmodern phoniness. Strip off your pretty sounding words. Get your faith naked.
Honest
and gritty, Eric Sandras encourages a generation of believers to drop
the layers of make-believe nonsense that stunts our spiritual growth.
What emerges is a positive alternative to life-crushing counterfeit
faiths many of us are trying our best to work through.
To do
this, there's no secret handshake or magic formula, but there is vision
and encouragement to take the risk and get dangerously real with God.
He exposes the naked truth: We need to dress our lives with a real
friendship with God and nothing else.
Buy 'Buck Naked Faith'
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Sex and Christianity? 
