Kingdomrain.net - The Bible and Premarital Sex

Home

Little Papers

The Bible and Premarital Sex

Little Papers Home

This Month's Paper

The Bible and Premarital Sex

By Don Williams

The Bible and Premarital Sex

By Don Williams

What?

The Biblical standard is clear – either chastity or heterosexual sex in the permanent union of marriage.

Exodus 20:14 “You shall not commit adultery” (The seventh commandment of the 10 Commandments.)

I Corinthians 6:9-10 “Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers not male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.”

Galatians 5:19 “The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery...”

Mark 7:20-21 “He [Jesus] went on: 'Whatever comes out of a man is what makes him unclean.' For from within, out of men's hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery...”

I Thessalonians 4:3-5 “It is God's will that you should be sanctified; that you should avoid sexual immorality. That each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen who do not know God...”

Revelation 21:7-8 “He who overcomes will inherit all this, and I will be his God and he will be my son [and daughter]. But the cowardly, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars – their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death.”

Why?

The opening chapters of Genesis provide the foundation for all of this. There God reveals his order for our lives, given in creation. Since he made us, he knows what is best for us. The Bible is our “owner's manual.” The following points are important:

1)   God creates us as sexual beings and blesses our sexuality: “God blessed them [man and woman] and said to them 'Be fruitful and increase in number, fill the earth....'” Genesis 1:28
2)   God gives us woman (not another man) so that we will not be alone. “The Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper fit for him.'” Genesis 2:18
3)   God orders our sexual union: “For this reason a man will leave his father and his mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24 Here sex is guarded in a heterosexual (“united to his wife”), permanent (“leave his father and his mother”), monogamous (“they will become one flesh”) union.

That this union is heterosexual is also seen in our physiological design. Homosexual sex is a parody of heterosexual sex. That this union is monogamous means that it is exclusive – creating safety, trust and the absence of comparison and competition. That this union is permanent means that it grows through the stages of life – over a lifetime.

God's goal is that there be no shame in such sex: “The man and his wife were both naked and they felt no shame.” Genesis 2:25

The key in Genesis 2:24 is “One flesh.” For the Bible this is not just physical. We are united psycho-somatically. Our body is our self- from a physical point of view. “One flesh” means a total union, mind, heart, spirit and body.

BUT

Sin has warped all of this. After the fall from innocence and purity in Genesis 3 Adam and Eve are naked and ashamed. They go into hiding from God and from each other. Thus in the Bible we see polygamy, adultery leading to murder (David and Bathsheba), prostitution, fertility cults, divorce, etc, - the full range of sexual dysfunction.

Good News

Christ comes to restore and heal this fallen creation. Look at what Paul says: “Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” I Corinthians 6:9-11

You were this: Sexually immoral, adulterers, etc.

You are this: Washed, sanctified [set apart for God], justified [not guilty before God, our judge] by the authority of Jesus and the power of the Spirit.

Thus when you become a Christian and are baptized, it is as if you are a virgin all over again. Now our bodies, including our sex organs, belong to Christ Jesus and are a part of him.

“Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you? If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him; for God's temple is sacred and you are that temple.” I Corinthians 3:16-17.

“Flee sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought with a price. Therefore honor God with your body.” I Corinthians 6:18-20

Paul warns against going to prostitutes because our bodies are united to Christ and are a part of him. “Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them to a prostitute? Never!” I Corinthians 6:15

Our bodies are to be offered to God in worship. (Romans 12:1) They are holy and acceptable and are to be vehicles of his love and grace.

What We Must Not Do

We must not try to detach our bodies from our souls or spirits. We can't. We are whole beings. Pornography, prostitution, recreational sex – all demand impersonality, detachment – they cheapen and depersonalize sex – and us as sexual people. When we detach in this way – all we are left with is animal desire – lust – and this easily leads to sexual addiction – feeding desire to elevate our mood and release us from depression, isolation and loneliness in more and more perverted ways. But this is never lasting and we need more and more partners and sexual experiences for the same effect.

What We Must Do

We must pray and ask Jesus to integrate our sexual instinct and fantasies into our whole being, including our spiritual life. We need to re-attach our sexuality to ourselves. We are, as I have said, a psycho-somatic unity. Now as Christians:

1)   Sex is spiritual – Intercourse includes a union of our spirits. Jesus enters into the act of making love. He is love and frees us to love. He shares our joy and release.
2)   Sex is personal – Intercourse is to be intimate – we are naked – there is a vulnerability and self-disclosure. It is “face to face.” All impersonal sex steals our humanity (“Hunk, Stud, Lay, etc.).
3)   Sex is sacramental – A sacrament is “an outward sign of inward grace.” It is the sign and seal of love and commitment. It is union and communion.
4)   Sex is pleasure – Giving and receiving – our instincts for our own pleasure are tempered with Jesus' self-sacrificing love – for the pleasure of our partner.
5)   Sex is passion – It builds in intensity, rhythm, release. It glues us to each other. This is why it must be a permanent union – otherwise there will be great rejection, disappointment, damage and the splitting off of the self..
6)   Sex is unique – each encounter is different – in the permanent union of marriage. There are highs and lows – deeper love and self-giving and receiving is the goal.
7)   Sex is creative – Paul says that each partner “rules” over the other's body. But such rulership must respect the other person's conscience and care for and honor of the other person. Sex is also pro-creative – children come as a sign of blessing.
8)   Sex is surrender as well as “conquest.” It is self-giving.
9)   Sex is acceptance – unconditionally – versus performance anxiety and the fear of failure.
10)   Sex is mysterious – it is beyond analysis – a creative act of God.

Dangers

As I have already noted, the great danger of sex is depersonalization. Sex sells – it is a consumer commodity – it uses and abuses the body. The sexualization of our culture actually takes away the mystery and excitement of sex. It substitutes lust for love as pure selfishness. Sex has great power to addict us. Since we are subject to frequent fantasies and lusts we can easily become addicted to sex as mood altering or instant gratification – but again this depersonalizes us and the sex act. Pornography may arouse us, but are we having sex with our fantasy or with our wife or husband? Jesus says that the look of lust is already adultery in our hearts. (Matthew 5:28)

Marriage means the end of the sexual chase, the tension of the hunt. But in losing this we gain security, trust, real intimacy, growth in love-making and pleasuring – and above all- the opportunity to love as Christ loves. “Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her.” Ephesians 5:25

Sexual Healing

We live in a fallen world – fallen from the beauty of God's original intention for us. We are fallen sexually – along with everything else. We often inherit the sexual dysfunction and sin that may have been in our parents and grandparents. We may have experienced some sexual abuse as children. (This does not include play or experimentation – where our boundaries were not crossed). We may carry guilt and shame for things said or done to us – or for what we did to others. If there is sexual trauma in our past – God will heal it and us. We may have used sex to control, punish, seduce, get our way, fill the emptiness in our lives. We may have left behind hurt, anger, rejection, depression, etc., in others with whom we have been sexually intimate. When we repent of our past and ask Jesus to forgive us – he does and he cleanses us from all unrighteousness (I John 1:9). Without a lot of explanation here, I believe that we can receive healing from Jesus through prayer for any sexual pain from the past. We can invite him into those areas of abuse and hurt for cleansing and healing. We can be also delivered from any demonic presence which may be there through trauma or involvement with the occult. Paul exhorts us as Christians, “Do not give the devil a foothold [literally, “a place,” and access point].” (Ephesians 4:27)

To live a sexually pure life we also need to keep spiritual disciplines and be accountable to each other. This demands a small, trusted group of fellow Christians who want to be sexually faithful and meet regularly for healing, confession and support.

Adultery or any sexual sin starts in our thoughts and moves quickly to our imaginations, our fantasies. Our fantasies feed our lust and we easily act out on them. We can ask Jesus to cleanse us and break any memories or fantasies which control us. There is good news for our healing where we need it.

I covet for you a wonderful, growing, satisfying sex life with your spouse over a life-time of living together or a fulfilled single life, such as our Lord himself lived.

Single or married, keep this vision before you. “May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it.” (I Thessalonians 5:23-24)