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A Story of Freedom: Billy Ray |
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Written by Editor
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I WAS HEALED BY GOD'S GRACE
Billy R. Feltner (7-11-05)
Vineyard Church of Columbus
Columbus, Ohio
MY TESTIMONY WAS WRITTEN LONG AGO
Come and see what God has done, how awesome His works in man's behalf
(Psalm 66:5). This poor man called, and the Lord heard him; He saved
him out of all his troubles (Psalm 34:6). Praise be to God, who has not
rejected my prayer or withheld His Love from me! (Psalm 66:20). I
waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and heard my cry. He
lifted me out of the slimy pit; out of the mud and the mire. He set my
feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. (Psalm 40:1,2). [He
has] assigned me my portion and my cup; [He has] made my lot secure.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have
a delightful inheritance. I have set the Lord always before me; because
He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. (Psalm 16:5,6,8)
Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior who daily bears our burdens (Psalm 68:19).
ON MARCH 8, 2000 I WAS HEALED BY GOD'S GRACE
Brothers and Sisters, my desire is that this testimony will glorify our
Lord God, and it's a joy to be able to testify to His awesome Grace,
which "still amazes me".
For thirty years I drank hard. I did hard drugs, and I lived a hard
life; a life filled with shame, guilt, personal loss, misery, and no
peace. My life, from “git-go” was a downward spiral. I now know that
spiritually we are all born into a downward spiral (until we come to
know Jesus), but I certainly didn’t know this in my early days. For
most of my life I was without God, and rebellious toward Him.
I’m not going to go into historical detail about my past, but suffice
it to say that because of the downward spiral of my life, I would
eventually become an all out “suicidal” addict bent on
self-destruction. For instance, in 1982 my life was at a major
crossroad of decision, and I made a fatal decision. I threw my hands
down… I gave up on life… I’ve heard it said that when people lose hope
they give up… they lie down and die, and in 1982 that’s exactly what I
did… I chose “death” and I quickly committed professional suicide,
social suicide, relational suicide, and, of course, I was already dead
spiritually (according to God’s word). The only suicide remaining to me
was physical suicide, and, again, I was literally hell-bent on
committing that. The next eighteen years of my life (1982-2000) would
prove this.
Finally, I had become chronically homeless - ending up in the streets
of Columbus, Ohio. After years of homelessness, and continuous aches
and pains in my body (and soul); and being just too tired to go on, I
"decided" I wanted out. I just couldn’t take that way of life anymore.
But I had absolutely no hope pending!
You want to know the real shame of it all? I remember thinking that
death couldn’t be much of a change! The honest truth is that I had
become so absorbed by my addictions and my wretched way of life that
there was truly no hope for me in this world. My work history was
beyond repair, my social skills were nonexistent; I had burned every
bridge imaginable (especially the one between me and my family).
It is no exaggeration when I say that I had exhausted every resource
that could have been possibly offered to me. I was forty-six, and I had
no future coming to me in worldly terms… none! For all intents and
purposes my life was over.
The only difference between a corpse and me was six feet of dirt. For
whatever reasons, and no matter whose fault it was, the hopelessly
downward spiral of my life was real, and it seemed to be irreversible.
My life was over… I was dead!
But, one cold Wednesday morning (March 8, 2000) I was jerked up and out
of my restless sleep by a dreadful sense of being absolutely lost, and
I just cried out to God. I mean that I cried out loud to Him. Up to
this point I had never, ever been so sick, and so depressed! I’ve never
felt so desperately lost…EVER! Praise God for He HEARD me!
I want the world to know - it's true! God pulled me up, and out of the
land of the dead, and set me on solid ground in the land of the living;
and it all started later that same day - after my cry for help. You
see, every Wednesday evening a church outreach ministry (from the
Vineyard Church of Columbus) visits the homeless camps here in
Columbus, Ohio. Well, that night I shared with these “church people”
that I had decided to “quit drinking” and that I was really tired of
the way I had been living all these years.
Praise God! I got a lot more than just “quitting drinking”. After I
shared my decision, those nice church people gathered around me - near
my campfire - and they laid hands on me, and they prayed for me.
As they prayed, they asked God to deliver me from my addictions, they
asked for all provision, for healing, and yes… they asked that God
would open my heart to salvation!
One of the girls that was with the group even “knew” that my left lung
was hurting, and she asked if she could lay a hand on me, and pray for
that healing… she did, and my lung had quit hurting by the next
morning. Praise God!
Now, it’s important to know that these small groups of Vineyard men and
women had been coming out to the streets, and into the homeless camps
consistently for a little over a year at this time, and we had a pretty
good relationship going with each other. To be sure, I had already
considered everyone in these groups as being my friends. Of course, all
the homeless folks on the streets felt (and still feels) the same about
them.
But this night was different for me; on this particular night (March 8,
2000) I had become one of their brothers through God’s free gift of
salvation. Later on I found out that this particular group of young men
and women was with the Vineyard’s young adult ministry (Joshua House).
And, as the Apostle Paul would say… I always give thanks to God for
them every time I think of them.
Well, their visit to my camp - and there are many camps - finally came
to an end, and we were soon saying good night to one another, and
waving good-bye. I have to tell you that even now as I think back to
that scene, I picture a drowning man waving good-bye to a passing ship.
That’s a very lonely feeling!
As they left my camp, I was quickly reminded of where I was, but I knew
it was going to be different. In my heart I knew I was going to be
okay. Even as the next few days passed, and I was still stuck in my
homeless camp, hanging around all the other broken drunks and addicts,
and even though I was sorely tempted to drink, God’s grace let me stay
sober.
I have not used any drug or drank any alcohol since the night that
small group laid hands on me… but, there I was at the time; still STUCK
in that “pit” and with no sign of an “upward” swing in my life. Nothing
around me showed that my life was about to improve, but as God took me
through the next seven days (which were tough ones), I held desperately
to His promises… the ones these church people told me of. I know God’s
grace brought me through this terrible and “trying” time.
Finally, in His great mercy, working through the efforts and provisions
of the Vineyard Church, God provided a place for me to live…and a job.
This made getting rooted and grounded in God’s way of living so much
easier on me… I had been given a good foothold.
Today, I view my new life as a living example of Acts 3:6-7 where I was
not only “invited” to partake of God’s abundance, but I was helped up!
My new brothers and sisters helped me to stand.
Today this redeemed man wants to say with a grateful heart, “Thank you, God for your faithful church.”
By the way… I was also immediately invited to start “hanging out”
with the folks that had been faithfully visiting with me all this time.
That’s right… God even placed me in the very same outreach ministry
that He used to rescue me. What a privilege it is to serve Him – All
glory to Him!
I am convinced that God knew when I would be hungry enough to call out
to Him. When I did cry out to Him, “He turned to me and He lifted me
out of the slimy pit; out of the mud and the mire” (Psalm 40). I mean
to say that God lifted me out with a quickness.
It’s no doubt that I was captured by God’s love, and His love is
manifested in, and through His people. I am truly grateful to those
small groups of men and women who faithfully hand-delivered God’s
message (and love) to me…even in the dead of winter. Indeed, my life
was the “dead of winter” but God saved me through these wonderful
people of His.
It is no exaggeration when I say that while these folks were praying
for me that night, God was removing a spiritual and emotional “tumor”
from me. He has “cut away” the very thing that was hindering me from
knowing Him personally; and I say this again, since that glorious
night, I have not done any drugs or drank any alcohol. I praise God for
His mercy, His grace, and His power. It’s like I’ve never done a drug
ever before in my life.
Now I have to say this: since that night, I have had to endure some of
the very things that have always “driven” me to drinking and to doing
drugs, but… I simply do not have the desire to use. It is no longer an
option… the temptation to use no longer carries any weight.
By God’s spirit I know it isn’t the medicating effects of those drugs I
need - but it’s the real medicine of my soul - the Holy Spirit Himself
is what I want and need.
I was so happy when I discovered that I could now have help in dealing
with all my life issues. Praise God, for now I have Someone who daily
bears my burdens.
In closing, I just have to say that on March 8, 2000, Jesus walked into
my homeless camp with one of His small groups, and He invited me to
follow Him. As I followed Him, I walked away from my former way of
life. “He has saved me from all my troubles…” addictions and all!
That was almost six years ago when God’s love broke through, and
rescued me. He has been faithful in every aspect of my life since then;
and our Father in Heaven is still answering the prayer of those
faithful disciples who chose to pray over this wretched creature.
He continues to show Himself faithful to me … He has restored broken
family relationships, He has led me every day through life’s problems
and setbacks - and, as those “ripples” which I caused in the pond of
life begin to catch up to me, God’s hand of grace is there, and He
tells them, “You can only go this far!”
All praise and glory belong to Him. He is a Gracious God, and I thank Him for his gracious church.
All hail King Jesus!
Thank You Lord,
Billy Ray
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